Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men, And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Jesus did not need validation, so why do we? Why do I long for validation when I have been hurt in order to move forward in healing? I have asked myself this over and over for a few months. Carrying the thought in the back of my mind as it weighed heavy on my soul. I was asking for validation and change from the very ones who have hurt me. Then I read scripture like the one above and have tons of questions about humility and what it really means? Do we count others more significant than ourselves just to be walked all over? That is what I have done most of my life, it seems, and the only fruit it has produced is anger and defensiveness. So my questioning continued and still does, but I do believe today I have a better grasp on what it means to “count others more significant than yourselves” and “look also to the interests of others.”
Jesus did not need the validation that He was King because it is the ultimate truth. Jesus suffered in silence. When it says Jesus humbled Himself to the point of death, I am reminded of scriptures that tells us He did not defend Himself and argue with His false accusers before he went to the cross. He did not have to because He was secure in His identity and purpose. His love for us brought Him down from a majestic throne to walk in humility on this earth and led Him through the obedience of suffering and death. He did it all so that sinners like you and me could be saved.
He was oppressed, and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so He opened not His mouth.
There are a few things I have learned as I carried that heavy question in the back of my mind.
It is okay to set healthy boundaries. There have been times I believed that setting boundaries meant I was not showing Christ-like love. When in reality, not setting the boundaries caused me to lean more in the direction of resentment and hate. Boundaries have allowed me to love better and have more compassion for those who have caused me pain.
Silence is a form of defending yourself and others. It is protecting your heart from not engaging with the war your false accusers are attempting to create. Silence is a form of love. I am the guiltiest of all, reacting to the point that caused more problems that can only be described as a bomb going off. Silence is counting others more significant than yourself, so they are not hurt by your explosive reaction.
Jesus and Therapy! You and I need them both. Therapy is a great tool to help work on the never-ending quest to have a mind like Christ. And don't be ashamed to see a psychiatrist, also, to help regulate any necessary medicine that your brain needs to overcome the mental battle you may be facing. Our unhealed wounds causing us pain bleeds out, and hurts others whether we realize it or not. “Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interests of others.” Getting help and learning coping skills to preach kindness to yourself helps to show kindness to others. And it helps to extend forgiveness. Just as Jesus cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Turn down the chaotic noise of this world that is filling you with fear for the future and turn on a constant connection to Jesus, who did not stay dead! He has defeated death and sits at the right hand of the Father, pleading on our behalf. (Romans 8:34) Even on days, you don’t feel like it create space for God’s word in your life.
The only validation in this life we should desire and cling to is the truth of who we are in Christ. I am learning this slowly and painfully. My prayer for you, beautiful, is that if this is an inner battle you also face that Jesus would meet you right where you are and remind you of His unconditional love and that you are His.